5 Ways to Communicate to Your Spouse that You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship

unhappy communicate

In the perfect marriage, you should be able to tell your spouse anything your heart desires with no judgement or negative feedback.  Oh, and compromising? In the perfect marriage, you don’t have to compromise because you and your spouse see eye to eye on everything.  You both want the same things. If you are reading this and have this perfect marriage, please leave your contact info in the comments section because I am sure not only I but other married people will want to contact you too.  Because unfortunately, most of us don’t have a perfect marriage. [Tweet “We have to continuously work at pleasing our partner so that we can stay happily married.”] With that being said, many spouses are unhappy with something that their spouse is doing or possibly something that they aren’t doing.  They may not want to convey their unhappiness to their partner for fear of conflict or divorce.  If this sounds like you, do not fret because I have 5 ways for you to tell your spouse that you are unhappy in your relationship. Also, be sure to download the free printables listed below under Tools to help you in communicating your issue to your spouse.

  1. Be direct – This is #1 because you should be able to communicate with your partner and tell them what is bothering you. Do not do it during an argument where there are other issues and you just decide to throw this one in.  It could lead to an even bigger blowout because your spouse may feel that if you have so many problems with them then why are you even together? Which is not what you want.  Bring it up casually in conversation when you are getting along.  Another good time to bring it up is when you are on a date. You could bring it up while you are out over dinner.  You both will be in a good mood and your spouse will be more likely to listen to you and not feel attacked.
  2. Write a letter – If you do not want to communicate your issue verbally, this is for you. Writing a letter and leaving it somewhere for your spouse to see and read privately is a good setup for you to actually talk about it later.  I will suggest that your letter is comprised of 3 parts.
    • Sweet talk your spouse – Tell them that you love them and some other qualities or things that they do that make you happy. Butter them up a bit.
    • Hit them with the issue – By leading up to what is bothering you, it will not seem as harsh as it would be if you started off the letter with this information.
    • Discuss/Resolve – End your letter by telling your spouse that you want to discuss your issue face to face. That is right, not over the phone or through text.  By the end of your discussion, you want your issue to be resolved and to have come up with a resolution that makes you both happy.
  3. Play a game – This does not have to be hard, drink some glasses of wine and make it fun. Ask your spouse to write down 10 questions on slips of paper that they would like for you to answer about anything.  You write down your questions, but make sure at least one of your questions is “What are your expectations for our relationship?” or “What are your expectations for me?” Both of you will put your questions into a container and mix it up.  You both will answer the question that is drawn, but whoever picks the question will have to answer it first.  You will eventually have a chance to tell your spouse your issue when that question arises. You never know what things you may learn about each other during this game.  But for the most part, I bet it will turn out to be a great eye opener for your relationship.
  4. Get family/friends involved – If none of the above methods work then I suggest getting other parties involved. I know this one may be difficult because honestly you don’t want others getting involved in your relationship.  However, desperate times call for desperate measures and if your spouse hasn’t listened to you by now then you have to do something else to get their attention. Only tell people that you know your spouse trusts, listens to and respects their opinion. Sometimes your spouse is so used to you that they will not listen to something you said, but if someone else tells them they will.  I’m sure you’ve been there before when your partner will tell you something and you are thinking in your head, “Uh, I already told you that.” But you don’t say anything or maybe you do, but they still keep talking like you didn’t anyway. Well, the same idea applies here.  Tell another individual that your spouse trusts and maybe they can put a buzz in their ear about your problem and help them to change.
  5. Go on strike – When you have told your spouse what your issue is and what changes you would like to see and nothing happens, then all bets are off. You stop doing the things that they enjoy you doing.  See if that won’t get you a response.  Tell your spouse that you are doing this because you believe that they do not care about how you feel.  Honestly, after you have told your spouse time and time again how you are feeling and that you need to see a change, with no improvement, then maybe you two have deeper rooted issues that need professional help to solve. [Tweet “You should not continue to be unhappy in your relationship because matters will only get worse.”]  And, you will probably start to resent your spouse.


Tools (Free Printables)

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  1. 20 Questions Cutouts – These cutouts have 20 questions on them that you can use to play your game.  There are also blank cutouts included in case you would like to fill in your own questions.
  2. 20 Questions Worksheets – These are the same 20 questions that are listed on the cutouts. However, instead of putting the cutouts in the jar to handpick. You and your spouse have the option of  either typing in your answers or printing out these sheets and filling them in.
  3. A Letter To My Spouse Worksheets – These worksheets can be used to help you in writing your spouse a letter.

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12 thoughts on “5 Ways to Communicate to Your Spouse that You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship

  1. I love the game idea. I have been having some issues in my marriage lately and all of these sound like good advice but that one seems to stick out for me. We are on a no drinking binge right now as we are trying to get healthy so keeping drinking to special occasions only. But the next time that should be, I will surely try that. ????Trista

    1. Thank you so much! I’m really glad that you enjoyed it. Yes, I think the game idea is good even if you aren’t having issues in your marriage. Sometimes you just need a new way of doing something and this allows anyone to mix it up a bit and have fun communicating. Best wishes to you in trying to get healthy. I am trying to do the same, but it is definitely a struggle. 🙂

  2. This is a nice article. This is definitely useful. Informative article . Great Post! There is so much you have mentioned where so much can be learned.

  3. Err…..maybe its because im still less than a year into my marriage, but I have a pretty much perfect marriage. Obviously it isnt 100% perfect but we talk, we talk about everything good abd bad so that nothinf ever becomes a big issue because its delt with way before that.
    Thanks for sharing with us, Tracey xx #abitofeverything

  4. I have a fairly hard time with communication. I don’t like talking about my feelings, so I really like the letter idea. I find it much easier to write things down than say them out loud.

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